Trying to Understand Monika

Content Warning: This post does talk about suicide as they exist within the frame of Doki Doki Literature Club

Playing Doki Doki Literature Club, I must admit, was a truly and utterly terrifying experience from start to finish. Now, I knew that I was walking into a game where the cuteness of it was a ploy to hide its creepiness, but I must have down-played what was going to happen in my minf because I was thrown. A lot of this game was me playing with a hand over my face because I didn’t know what was going to happen next. One of the worst experiences for me was watching how Sayori’s life ended after I said I loved her. For some reason, even though I knew this was a game, I felt that I had caused that to happen and had to fight the urge to restart the whole game in order to undo this mistake (which I would later find out would not matter because either way, I would see Sayori like this no matter what I chose). Overall, this game was a bunch of depressing twists and psychotic turns that had me on the edge of my seat for its entirety. I gained some sort of attachment (like? fondness? appreciation? I don’t know.) to most of the girls, however, the character that made me feel the most complicated emotions was Monika.

After Sayori’s death, the fact that Monika had a role other than being the president of the literature club became obnoxiously clear. Between her showing up in front of the dialogue box of another character and when she gradually appears in front of Yuri as you are talking to her, it was obvious that Monika wanted to be seen—which looking back was probably point. Yet, what I did not expect was that the reason the game took a complete left was that she was rewriting the actual code the game’s characters. A devious and truly despicable move on her part, but a creative one nonetheless. My surprise about her actions was amplified when by the end of the game she basically kidnaps you putting you in a game environment where only you and here exist. I was creeped out, saddened, and a little angry to know that the emotions I felt because of how Yuri and Sayori reacted to my choices was because of no fault of my own, but Monika’s doing. I was ready to hate her, but, when she started to explain her side of things during out forced 1-on-1, I couldn’t.

After learning that Monika is the only self-aware person in this game, I began to feel bad for here. To find out that your “friends” are nothing but ones and zeroes with no real minds of their own has to be an earth-shattering experience. Monika was alone in a world that didn’t exist with “friends” that didn’t know their lives were nothing more than things for a random player to toy with. She was stuck in a place that she couldn’t leave with no one that could understand her or even someone she could simply talk to. So, when someone comes around with the same awareness that Monika has, of course, she would want to keep them all for herself. While her way of doing that was deplorable, under circumstances of extreme isolation or under the circumstances that Monika was under who are we to say we wouldn’t do something similar. She wanted someone to share her extremely lonely life with and, unfortunately, we became the target for her obsession. Having to delete her from the game and seeing her reaction complicated my feelings toward Monika even more because it felt like I was actively killing her. She wanted a companion, but what she got was her existence erased. (If this game had audio that enabled you to hear the character’s voices, I have no doubt that this moment would haunt some players.) However, before she is officially gone she saves you from a newly reestablished Sayori with the same obsessive personality that Monika started with. Saving you from this new Sayori doesn’t seem like something Monika would do if she was actually evil. Maybe throughout this game, Monika is a just a misguided character that isn’t understood. In all honesty, I don’t have the answer. What I do know is there is more than meets the eye when it comes to Monika and it’s not as easy as saying she’s the villain of this game. I don’t think it’s that simple.